Preheat your oven to 400°F and lightly grease a baking sheet.
Toss the cauliflower florets into a food processor and pulse until they look like rice. Steam or microwave until soft, then cool and squeeze out all the moisture with a clean kitchen towel.
Chop the kale finely. You want it tender but not mushy.
In a large bowl, combine cauliflower, kale, cheddar, Parmesan, garlic powder, onion powder, salt, and pepper.
Add in the eggs and almond flour (or breadcrumbs), mixing until the mixture holds together.
Scoop out small portions and shape into bite-sized tots. Line them up on your greased baking sheet like veggie soldiers.
Bake for about 25 minutes or until golden brown, flipping halfway for even crispiness.
Let them cool slightly. Then try not to eat half the tray before serving. I dare you.